Xena's Diary

I'm five years old now.

Sounds contrair that I'm five, but I can read and write this well. Mother started teaching me at three, she refused to send me to preschool.

As I write, I'm watching Father talk to Maxis. Samantha is playing with her doll next to me. She's 7, she's my best friend in the whole world. However, I think she may be jealous of my intelligence a bit, but nonetheless, we're the best pals ever, and we will always be!

Father says it's good to know the world better at a younger age, and that it means I'll grow up to be kind and responsible. Responsible. That word rings in my ears. I'm happy the way I am, because as long as Father is with me, I'm okay.

"Maxis, ve need to coordinate the Russian vith ze syrum. He's irresponsive vithout vodka." Father grumbles.

Maxis shakes his head.

"Doc, zat is a bad idea. Vhat is ze Russian grows violent as result? You zaw ze American." Maxis replies.

And this goes on forever.

.::.

Today, Father got shoved into the teleporter by Schuester and Groph. They sent him far away. I saw what Harvey and Peter did to those two. Put Hypnosis Elixir in their drinks, made them do it. I'm telling!

I stare in horror through the locked door for a few seconds, before I make a run for it down the hallway.

A cold hand grabs my shoulder, and I'm yanked backwards.

"What're you doing out here alone, Xena? Shouldn't Richtofen be watching you?" Peter chuckles, and I stare into his menacing blue eyes. An American spy!

"Maxis!" I scream, and try to get loose of the man's grip.

Samantha's father wheels around the corner, adjusts his glasses briefly, and then his blue-silver eyes widen.

"Peter, what are you doing!?" he hisses, and runs towards me. Peter sneers and shoves me forward, and backs away, drawing a glinting knife. I tumble to the ground, and look up in horror.

"Don't try to touch me, Maxis, I will kill you." the spy says through gritted teeth. He clenches his fists tight until they're white, and then lifts his head with a grin.

"Guess what else? Your little groupie Richtofen is gone. I threw in some Hypnosis Elixir in Schues' and Groph's drinks, they shoved him in the teleporter. You didn't need Ed, anyway, he was a distraction in the way of your death. So g'bye, Ludvig!" Peter adds.

Has he gone mad?

Out of the hysteria, I reach in my bag.

"Only use this in life-or-death situations," Father had said.

I draw my pocket knife, and aim at his chest.

"Ha, a kid with a pocket knife? What're you gonna do? Kick me to death?" the American foolishly exclaims. Maxis yells, "Xena! Don't!"

The pocket knife slips through the air and squarely hits Peter on the chest. He screams in anguish and drops his kitchen knife, which tumbles to the ground. I grab it and start to run away.

My eyes water up. I didn't want to ever hurt anyone.

Maybe I should've asked to live with my great-aunt, Blenda. Father took me to her house once. She was so nice, and my cousin, who's 12, lives with her. His parents were killed just like Mother. His name is Badan, and he showed me around with a smile. He's kind, too.

I wish I had a brother. But Father won't get married again, or have children. Because Mother is gone. And she isn't coming back.

Father's job is dangerous. And now he's been targeted by Peter, a spy, and Harvey too.

But the teleporter-they'll get him back? Right? He'll come back! Father'll be okay...

I slip with a smile into my swirling dreams of the wonders I'll never have.

.::.

Seven years of life, two spent at Group 935. Father's acting kind of weird, like as if there was a computer virus in his brain.

He's not the same. They injected too much 115 into him while trying to save his life. The teleportation experience nearly killed him, and his personality has taken a downfall.

Father never spends time with me. He's either angry or gloomy, either sitting and grieving for Mother or he's arguing or glaring at Maxis. When he sees me he quickly walks away. I stay with Samantha now, Maxis had me moved from Father's room.

I think whenever Father sees me, he sees me as Mother. And Mother is dead. And that is not a good thing. When Father is sad, I sit next to him for a long time while he stares blankly. After 2 hours of waiting, Samantha comes and asks me if I want to play.

"Maxis, vhy doesn't Fazzer talk to me?" I ask quietly.

"He's grieving, Samantha. He's been through a lot, and those damn Americans have destroyed the person he once was. It's best to leave him alone." Maxis replies with a sigh. He pats my head and leaves.

Maxis is like another Father to me. He's kind and generous, and takes me and Samantha wherever he goes. He makes sure not to leave on a business trip-he doesn't want us alone with Father anymore. I'm not allowed in Father's room, either. Because Father doesn't want to see me.

One day, Maxis approaches Father while he's working on conducting an experiment. I'm sitting and playing with Samantha near the corner.

"Zhese games are getting boring. After zis, let's go outside and build a new snow fort!" Samantha squeals.

"Okay." I say with a smile. She's nine now. The girls at our school don't talk to Samantha. I do, though. I skipped a grade, I'm in her class now.

"Vhy don't you go talk to Xena sometime today? She's getting a little lonely vithout you around." Maxis asks Father. I hopefully listen while playing with Samantha and I's dolls.

"Nonsense, Maxis, zhe's happy vith Samantha." Father says with the usual frown, and mixes the ingredients he's brewing together. It bubbles and turns purple.

Inside, I cry. Doesn't he love me anymore?

"I won't be around forever, I keep delaying business trips because you can't find time to see your own daughter!" Maxis replies, keeping his temper.

"Ah, yes, I know, but I'm busy." Father adds.

"Busy doing what? Grieving over Lilith?" Maxis snaps.

"Don't you dare zay her name!" Father snappishly yells. and smashes the test tubes on the ground, storming away.

"You can't keep away from her forever, Edvard! Don't you love Xena anymore? She's all you have left of Lilith yet you shove her away like garbage! She's a person, Doc! And your daughter!" Maxis yells back.

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