User blog:Damac1214/I'm looking for some critique/criticsm of my story "The Regulator"

So as the title says, I'm looking for some critique of my Zombie story "The Regulato", so i'm just asking nicely that some of you take the time to read it and give me a quick, or maybe even long, review.

Disclaimers

 * It's a little over 3000 words long, if that dissuades you


 * It's written like a Script for a TV show, not your average story


 * The first half is "done", I've had it looked over by others and made more corrections than the second half

Link
http://pastebin.com/cDDmBPqC